we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
