You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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