Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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