I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize