You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
