So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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