i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
