Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
