Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
