I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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