Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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