I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
