I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
