Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
