Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
