puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
