You smell like stripper and shame
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
