If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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