They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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