Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize