It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
