You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
