I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
