I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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