I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
