i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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