i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Me too!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
