hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
