I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
