there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
