Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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