Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
