mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
