Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
