she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
