I intend to get homeless drunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
