i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
