He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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