I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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