fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize