well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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