i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
