Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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