I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
