the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
