How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
