bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
