I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
