THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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