What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
