The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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