i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
