we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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