chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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