Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize