Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
