i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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