i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
