oh god the rape fog is back!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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