Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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