It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
