Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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