remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
