So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
