I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize