One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
