Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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