Porn is love you can see.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
