i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
