I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
