oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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