is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
