I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
