Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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