Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
NoShamevember. You game?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
