Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
