I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
