Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
don't judge my taste in strippers
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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