I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize