We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
