Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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