It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
