I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
