You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Welp...herpes.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
