I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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