maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
