We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
