Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
