whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
