I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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