Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit

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(973): View more from New Jersey

haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

(630): View more from Illinois

savin' lives aint cheap

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(917): View more from New York City

you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night

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(605): View more from South Dakota

you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

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(641): View more from Iowa

If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Why is the microwave staring at me?!

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