nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
