do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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