you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize