fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
