Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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