First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
