She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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