I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize