I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
