Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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