WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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