Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
